Stepping Back
A birthday wish
Opinions expressed within the content are solely the author’s and do not reflect the opinions and beliefs of any listed websites, their affiliates, any entity—physical or otherwise—anything, anyone, or any other form of matter that isn’t completely and uniquely me.
29 January 2026 (posted on 16 February 2026)
Four score and two years ago, by the measure of the Gregorian calendar, I was received by some strange, serendipitous decision that allowed this particular ‘me’ to come into being. … 🤪
My 42nd birthday marks the last day of the snake year in the Chinese calendar, which is a year of shedding. It is also the day of Mahashivratri, the “Great Night of Shiva” in the Hindu calendar - a day encouraging a shift toward inner stillness and self-realization. It’s also the start of Ramadan based on the Islamic calendar. In astrology, 2026 is the start of a new nine-year cycle - year one: a new beginning.
I’m telling myself that there’s no coincidence here because really … “The answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything is 42.” (If you know, you know!)
The upheaval of my professional and romantic life in 2025 was an unconscious intentional preparation.
So, I’m trying to step into 2026 gently, trying to feel my way into the purpose that might be in store.
I haven’t had a ‘societally acceptable job’ for a few months now. I’ve intentionally turned down two full-time contracts in order to focus on what I think is important this year. (Of course I’m super privileged to be able to do that - and so I’m hoping I do this year justice.)
I’ve been keeping myself occupied with writing, reading, having long conversations, setting up community gatherings, listening to podcasts, watching webinars, doing courses, spending time with friends and family, and contemplating my new year.
[And trying not to panic about not having a stable income.]
In recent years, I've found myself spending so much time in the worlds of consumerism, formal structured education, and corporate sustainability. Worlds that were previously completely alien to me. (And maybe that was why last year was so hectic - it was the universe literally holding me by the scruff of my neck, with an outstretched accusing finger, going, “What the heck are you doing?!”)
And so I had to ask myself … what am I doing?
I found that asking those questions and searching for answers in my living room in front of my computer, surrounded by people around me going at full speed was causing anxiety, intrusive thought cycles, and stagnation.
And so the universe gave me a kick in the butt.
I was at a sustainability conference held in a hotel ballroom - chandeliers, mirrors, lush carpets, and a free buffet dinner. Opulence, luxury, fancy suits, and ministers on the guest list. It was like a cult meeting - one that worships money as god.
Earlier that day, I had facilitated a climate change workshop at a school, and the sustainability officer who had organised the event asked, “Do you know why we have to conserve biodiversity?” … “Because we have to eat!”
I felt like our foundations were falling apart, torn to shreds by the social construct of money. How could short term solutions driven by profit provide for the people and planet? The tipping points have been crossed and planetary boundaries breached. We have passed the 1.5°C threshold and carbon emissions are skyrocketing. We’re heading towards the sixth mass extinction, yet we still focus on infinite growth.
I felt like my messages over the last few years were falling on ears deafened by fat wallets. I also felt that I myself was in dire need of realignment.
That night, bought a one-way ticket to Sri Lanka (my favourite place in Asia) - the echoes of the repeated chants of “People, Planet, Profit!” ringing in my ears.
I tried to shake away their logic that a sustainability strategy exists to “serve the investor and the financier”.
I reminded myself that ‘impact’ is not reserved for good. There are many negative impacts that come from good intentions when those intentions spin from systems of greed and extraction.
I needed a break from the sustainability consulting companies that work on accounting principles - numbers, and not a true connection with the natural world. I needed a break from the complete disconnect between the conversation happening between immaculately decorated suits, ceilings, and carpets, and the lack of conservation happening outside. I needed a break from the education system that prepares children to become money-driven and career-centric adults that trade empathy and compassion for a fat salary.
Why was I trying so hard to fit into this world?
Why was I trying to conform to multi-billion dollar industries that claim to ‘save the planet’ and ‘educate for good’ while extracting, scaling up, and opening more avenues for investment?
How could they, or I, talk about serving the planet and its people while sitting disconnected from the real world and completely connected to screens, typing away in comfortable air-conditioned rooms and offices, expecting to fix problems through virtual meetings, and Michelin-star meet-ups?
It is easy to ignore what’s happening to the others, elsewhere, when I am provided for.
It is easy to normalise climate disasters and species extinction, to quantify deaths into statistics, so we can continue with, “Profit above all else”.
It is easy to justify the extraction of finite resources because it creates hundreds of thousands of jobs - jobs that are incredibly dangerous, question human rights, and contribute to injustice and inequality.
It is easier for us to see the collapse of our entire planet before the collapse of capitalism.
Why aren’t we holding anyone accountable?
Why aren’t we holding ourselves accountable?
The idea that investing in more extraction, replacing one solution for another, greenwashing, upskilling, upgrading … more, more, more … in order to make the planet more habitable …. for what in the end?
To heal it?
To save ourselves?
How is that possible?
What are we doing?
It’s delusional, really.
Vandana Shiva refers to this dominant scientific-technological fix as a “mechanistic paradigm of a dead, inert earth and the separation of humans from nature”.
She talks about the ideas of terra nullius and bio nullius - that Earth and the biosphere have no worth until it has a price tag. It belongs to no one and therefore can be claimed as an asset.
We’re living in the intersection of the dystopian fiction worlds of Aldous Huxley, Margaret Atwood, George Orwell, and Octavia Butler.
Except … this isn’t fiction anymore.
We’re trying to farm without farmers, without pollinators, without soil. We’re trying to make food in labs. We’re using the 1% of drinkable water that exists on earth for artificial intelligence, not human consumption. We’re displacing people to start solar farms. We’re starting investors’ playgrounds while the neighbours are mourning their dead children. We’re sacrificing human lives in tunnels to extricate minerals for the latest mobile phones. We’re pandering to the whimsy of a crazed white man who is quite dyslexic (and completely deranged).
I had to stop.
I needed a disconnect.
I had to change the questions I ended 2025 with.
The alien business-world questions of, “How do I get more clients?”, “How do I scale my company?”, “How much should I charge people for this service?”
(Thank you to all those who coached me through these completely abstract concepts.)
I had to go back to my usual, “Where can I bring value?”, “Where I can go to help?” and “Where can I be of service?”
I had to go back to a simpler life - one where I lived with very little, one that backpacked the world working for food, shelter, and purpose (maybe a free drink here and there).
I have to get back in alignment.
I have to slowly remember my values, and ask, ‘What is sacred to me, and how do I live simply and still enjoy the journey?’
I have to extract myself from a capitalist-centred conversation.
I had to pack my backpack.
I’ve put the master bedroom in my small apartment up for rent, moved my bed in there and been sleeping on a mattress on the floor for months, I gave away everything I could - even the cat, and have been saying my goodbyes and getting ready to go.
The universe is counting on our belief
that faith is more powerful than fear
and that in the shifting moment
we’ll all remember why we’re here.
*
Right now we need dream-weavers,
bridge-builders, truth-sayers,
light-bearers, food-growers,
wound-healers, trail-blazers,
life-lovers, peace-makers.
*
Why would a flower hesitate to open?
now is the only moment
rain drop let go
become the ocean
possibility is as wide
as the space we create to hold it.
I am fortunate to have a choice.
I know many, many do not.
But there are many who may read this who revel in abundance.
And while you might be entangled and enmeshed in this system with no escape, you can use your abundance to support those who use their time to fix our futures.
Please support those who are working all over the world to (un)learn, to teach, to build life rafts, and to create communities of care. Those who are trying so hard to reach the social tipping point. Those who through imagining, creating, and community-building write better future narratives.
Where is your duty of care?
This year, I’m asking myself - where is mine?
I thought this year was meant to be focusing on growing The Eco Chapter as a business, an entity all on its own - but I’m realising, this year is for me to grow me in order for The Eco Chapter to be that life raft to others through the rough waters ahead.
And in order to do that - I have to live by example. I have to spend the time being uncomfortable, (un)learning, relearning, imagining, working with my hands, living with simplicity, living with the land.
Going back to basics.
Being true to that little girl who started with a dream to rescue the stray cats in our neighbourhood. To that teenager to volunteered with domestic rescues at the SPCA. To that twenty-year-old who slept in a sandy tent to help with whale research in Baja, California. To that thirty-year-old who trekked up hills, and trudged through mud to save once-wild-now-thrown-away animals all over the South and Central American coasts.
To that forty-year-old … who knew that in order to conserve the animals and the planet - we need to educate people.
When I show up anywhere, I want there to be no doubt that I am there in service of the planet.
And so I have to be completely clear of my intentions, my alignment, and my values - in order to help and support others in their journey too.
And so here I go.
[After Sri Lanka, I head to India - I don’t really have any plans but would love to speak with anyone interested in speaking with me - to organise workshops, talks, panels, add value to their existing projects, help with sustainability reporting and greenwashing fact checking … etc. I’m also looking for hosts - places to sit and be, quietly in nature. If you know anyone who’d be interested, please let me know.]
And when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it.
What I can offer: HERE
💌 Let’s talk: change@theecochapter.com
In service of our planet,
💚 Marla Lise, Earthling at The Eco Chapter
wow stepping away from corporate “sustainability” and back toward lived, embodied service